I spent over the last couple of months trying to come up with ways to show her how much I cared and all my attempts went unnoticed or ignored. Since I’ve built up so many walls to keep you out of my system, and remove the traces of the toxic that flows through my bloodstream. My heart races fast sweat drips from my palms, my head spins. Until I realize that you’re no longer here. Then I did something I thought would never happen, I became something I never thought I’d be. Numb. I’ve never trusted a girl with everything I had without feeling vulnerable. Because now relationships make me uncomfortable, to fully commit. Not because I’m scared, but love doesn’t seem to effect me as it once did. I was a hopeless romantic. So in love. But after being punished for wanting to be in love so badly with person I truly cared about and loved, now I find it difficult to ever want to be in the state ever again. It’s unfair to any other girl in my life now and I know this. A part of me easily wants to just give up the other part is fighting to stay patient.